[

(Receptionist)
Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?


(Customer)
Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order
has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I
tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am
calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist)
Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of
2014. But I can help you.

(Customer)
Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

(Receptionist)
Sir, Pro V1's do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to
provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite , or Callaway Blue.

(Customer)
But I have played Pro V1 for years.

(Receptionist)
The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable,
so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are
better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

(Customer)
But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

(Receptionist)
That is all spelled out in the 2700 page "Affordable Golf Ball Act"
passed by Congress.

(Customer)
Well, how much are these TopFlites ?

(Receptionist)
It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum
package?

(Customer)
What's the difference?

(Receptionist)
12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

(Customer)
The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist)
It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

(Customer)
What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist)
I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can
determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your
income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy.
In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

(Customer)
BallAid ?

(Receptionist)
Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf balls. So,
if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of
charge.

(Customer)
Who said they were a right?

(Receptionist)
Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court
found it Constitutional.

(Customer)
Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution
regarding golf balls as a right.

(Receptionist)
There's no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but
President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it
would have been included if the Constitutional had not been drafted by
a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and
the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a
right guaranteed by the Constitution.

(Customer)
I don't believe this...

(Receptionist)
It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go
for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?

(Customer)
Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year.

(Receptionist)
In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer)
Why?

(Receptionist)
To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.

(Customer)
WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

(Receptionist)
It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's
$49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.....

(Customer) (interrupting)
This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $49.50.

(Receptionist)
Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is
greater.

(Customer)
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!

(Receptionist)
Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer)
Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going on
here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.

(Receptionist)
Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track this call and
obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer)
Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

(Receptionist)
So they get your GPS coordinates, sir

( .Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door )

(Receptionist)
That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf , have a nice
day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

If you ask me this kid should get full credit

(03-11-2014 08:56 AM)CliftonAve Wrote:  If you ask me this kid should get full credit

The shape is inverted, so I dunno.

(03-10-2014 02:09 PM)Jerry Falwell Wrote:  (Receptionist)
Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?


(Customer)
Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order
has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I
tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am
calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist)
Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of
2014. But I can help you.

(Customer)
Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

(Receptionist)
Sir, Pro V1's do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to
provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite , or Callaway Blue.

(Customer)
But I have played Pro V1 for years.

(Receptionist)
The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable,
so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are
better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

(Customer)
But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

(Receptionist)
That is all spelled out in the 2700 page "Affordable Golf Ball Act"
passed by Congress.

(Customer)
Well, how much are these TopFlites ?

(Receptionist)
It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum
package?

(Customer)
What's the difference?

(Receptionist)
12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

(Customer)
The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist)
It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

(Customer)
What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist)
I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can
determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your
income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy.
In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

(Customer)
BallAid ?

(Receptionist)
Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf balls. So,
if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of
charge.

(Customer)
Who said they were a right?

(Receptionist)
Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court
found it Constitutional.

(Customer)
Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution
regarding golf balls as a right.

(Receptionist)
There's no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but
President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it
would have been included if the Constitutional had not been drafted by
a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and
the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a
right guaranteed by the Constitution.

(Customer)
I don't believe this...

(Receptionist)
It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go
for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?

(Customer)
Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year.

(Receptionist)
In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer)
Why?

(Receptionist)
To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.

(Customer)
WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

(Receptionist)
It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's
$49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.....

(Customer) (interrupting)
This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $49.50.

(Receptionist)
Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is
greater.

(Customer)
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!

(Receptionist)
Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer)
Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going on
here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.

(Receptionist)
Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track this call and
obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer)
Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

(Receptionist)
So they get your GPS coordinates, sir

( .Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door )

(Receptionist)
That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf , have a nice
day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

Yeah, I'd say that's pretty much it. Problem is, this particular post is out of place in the 'Jokes' section. This is the reality of what is going on. Did you come up with this or did you find it somewhere?

That one came from a chain email. Some of the jokes in here are originals, others I found online. In today's times, we have to laugh not to cry.

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the Secretary of State.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker! Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled... See what you get for five bucks!?"

(03-29-2014 03:44 PM)UCGrad1992 Wrote:  
President Obama visits one of the larger mega-dairy farms to better understand the impacts of cow gas on climate change.


"The potential impacts from cattle methane worldwide is a direct threat to our national security and the environmental risks are too great to ignore."


"We will channel all of our necessary resources now and in the immediate future to minimize the threat of cow-gas induced climate change."


"I will be discussing a new gas tax proposal and other spending options to help fund this vital research and regulatory stimulus plan with members of my Cabinet and congressional leaders in the coming weeks."


"Let me repeat this one more time...I'm serious...dead serious."

(03-29-2014 04:38 PM)MileHighBronco Wrote:  I've got the perfect prog solution. Let's call it Common Cork.

(03-29-2014 05:31 PM)THE NC Herd Fan Wrote:  

(03-29-2014 06:30 PM)Fo Shizzle Wrote:  Cow flatulence. An issue truly worthy of this administration getting behind.

(03-29-2014 06:57 PM)Fo Shizzle Wrote:  If I was Vladimir...I'd watch my ass.

(03-29-2014 09:32 PM)smn1256 Wrote:  

Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox baseball game, sitting in
the
first row with the Secret Service seated directly behind them. One of
the Secret Service agents leans forward and says something to the
President.

Barack stares at the agent, looks at Michelle, looks back at
the agent, and shakes his head.

The agent then says "Mr. President, it was a request from the team
owner who is a big campaign contributor, and the fans will love
it!"

So, Barack shrugs and says "Well, if it will help my poll
numbers."

He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat
of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field.
She gets up kicking, screaming & swearing. The crowd goes wild;
cheering, applauding,and high-fiving. Barack is bowing and
smiling, and leans over to the agent and says "You were right, I
would have never believed that!"

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what was wrong.

The agent replies "Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the first
PITCH!

A cameraman asks two poor southern girls in a park to take their pictures. The girls agree and he sets up his camera.

One of the girls asks, "what's he doing with that thing?"

"Before he takes a picture, he's gots to fokus"

"Bofus?"

Did you hear about.....
> Bob: "Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?,
> Jim: "You mean the Mexican gun running?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "You mean SEAL Team 6?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> im: "You mean voter fraud?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?"
> Bob: "No the other one:.
> Jim: "The IRS targeting conservatives?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The DOJ spying on the press?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The president's ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The president's threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The president's repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The president's unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate's advise-and-consent role?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?"
> Bob: "No, the other one."
> Jim: "I give up! ... Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don't pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?"
> Bob: "THAT'S THE ONE!"

Anyone else think that it's absolutely hilarious that Steve (SMN) and Jerry appear to spend most of their idle time thinking about nothing other than President Obama?

I think you two should seek help.

BTW - What to you call a camel with no humps?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Humphrey.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?




The grass tickles their balls.

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

He replied, "She is called Five Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife.

What does it mean?"

The Old Indian answered,

"It old Indian name. It mean ....."

"NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

(08-31-2013 08:30 PM)smn1256 Wrote:  Q: Why are Adam & Eve Obama-era Americans?

A: Because they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise.




Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a sinking ship, who would be saved?

A: America!



Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it




Q: What is the best argument against democracy?

A: A chat with an Obama voter



Q: Why are there so few real Obama jokes?

A: Most of them are true stories.

Bump for LMFAO!