OT: I don't usually do this, but I really need: (update) More prayers needed please
some positive thoughts and maybe even a prayer or 2. I didn't want to take this to Facebook, don't want to freak out my family, but I needed to get this out, cry...scream, whatever. I have been MIA for a while here, but since I have to appear strong for my family, I am here to unload on my Tigers family.
My dad has been sick for years, severe COPD. And the last 3 years he has had nerve damage from shingles that left him in pain all the time. Doctors tried everything from pain meds to neurostimulator to control his pain...nothing worked. At one point my mom asked me to take his gun, he was talking about killing himself, the pain was just too much. He didn't. Until September my mom, sister and I all took care of dad. In September my mom fell and fractured her pelvis. It went downhill from there. Right after that happened, she started to forget things and acting really strange. Over the next few months, many ER visits and several hospital stays she was diagnosed with dementia. My sister and I tried many things to keep her home and safe. We hire 24/7 help because my dad couldn't help take care of mom, he is very frail and weak. The people some of the agencies send us were downright scary. We tried several independent caregivers....that didn't go so well either.
Next step was assistant living. We moved them out of their house into a retirement community, Robinwood. That place is absolutely wonderful. We hired Right At Home to send people in 4 or 5 times a day to help them while we were both at work and that worked for a few months. Moms dementia was getting worse by the day and after the last hospital stay they send her to Memphis Jewish Home and Rehab for rehab and therapy. We found out very quickly that she was not ever coming home. I know this is getting long and if you want to stop reading, I get it. It's ok.
So now we have mom in a nursing home, dad in Robinwood and my sister and I running between the 2 places trying to care for both of them. At this point dad's depression is getting progressively worse and he is talking about suicide almost daily. He is mad at me for not giving him his gun back. My sister is begging him to move in with her. Her house was build with my parents in mind when they couldn't take care of themselves any longer. But dad absolutely refuses to go.
Yesterday morning I called to check on him and I could tell right away something was wrong. I called my sister, she is much closer. She took off over there while I went to see mom. Mom freaks out if I don't show up in the morning ( I go every morning before work and every night after work). She is convinced that everyone wants to kill her....having hallucinations about nazis all over that place and actually believes that we were all killed while she was sleeping. Dementia is one terrible disease. Anyway, my sister called 911 when she got to dad's, he was in so much pain but wasn't going to tell us. He is now in the hospital with fluid buildup around his heart, lungs and in his abdomen. They think he either has pneumonia or congestive heart failure. They also think he might have gallstones and may need his gallbladder removed. With his severe COPD surgery and anesthesia are very dangerous. I am terrified that if he has to have surgery, we will lose him. But I am also thinking that he has suffered so much and he is really ready to go. I feel guilty for wanting his suffering to end. Does that make me a terrible person? My sis and I are at the end of our ropes. How do people find strength to keep going?
Ok guys / girls, I have rambled way too long. Sorry about the long post. Mods, feel free to move this if you need to. I just needed to vent. I guess I am having a pity party for 1 in the middle of the night. I can't let my family see me falling apart, so again that's why I am spilling my heart here now. And if anyone managed to read this whole novel, thank you!!!
GTG!!!
(This post was last modified: 06-13-2015 05:15 PM by Tanyaskees.)
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