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The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
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chiefsfan Offline
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The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
The Scene: Sun Belt Conference Offices, New Orleans Louisiana

Seated at the table are the 11 Presidents and Commisioners of the Sun Belt Conference. They all seem to be waiting. Hudson is humming a song in his head. Savoie is on the phone. Becker is sleeping. Bruno is wearing a full suit, apparently to display power. Hawkins looks bored. Anderson, Kahrbhari, Trauth, and Smith are playing cards. Peacock and Keel are looking around confused, and completely out of place.
Bruno: Where the hell is Benson. I thought he called this meeting.
Hawkins: The Commissioner is a very busy man. He does amazing work for this league and we should be thankful for all the work he does for us.
(Mild grunts of assent or dissent around the room. Becker starts to snore)
(Benson walks in, wearing a Liberty sweatshirt, Liberty hat, and carries an autographed photo of the Liberty mascot)
Bruno: Where the hell have you been?
Benson: I was taking an official visit to a perspective member school.
Bruno: All Right, All right. I call this meeting to order. Is everyone here. Peacock, Keel, you guys know what you are doing?
Keel: Yes, and I just want to say what an honor it is to associate ourselves with a fine group of Universities such as yourse… (Loud yelling comes from corner of the room)
Anderson: GIN! I win. Pony up ladies and gents, Pony up. Papa needs a new JC Penny expense account!
(Becker wakes up with a start)
Becker: Wha….Who…How….I Agree with Hawkins!
Keel: (with a slightly confused look) Your…selves.
Bruno: Yeah, Yeah. Just remember…You’re only here because we expect you two to win a lot of football games… As I was saying… I call this meeting to order. Would Secretary Trauth please read the Old Minutes?
Trauth: In the last Meeting of the Presidents, a proposal from Chancellor Hawkins to rename this group “The League of Extraordinary Presidents and Chancellors” was tabled after some discussion as to whether or not the phrase was a rip off. A University Reference Guide was approved regarding…Oh wait…sorry that was the meeting before that. The University Reference Guide was disbanded after it confused the hell out of everyone. Commissioner Benson gave a report on Liberty…indicating that they were now fully ready for an SBC Invite. President Becker’s proposal to change Georgia States football record to 12-0 was voted down unanimously.

Bruno: Thank you. Now today we have one item on the agenda. Potential Expansion of the Sun Belt Conference to 12 football members. Progress Reports: Chancellor Hudson
Hudson: I wrote a really awesome song and we created a wonderful music video in which yours truly was the star.
Bruno: No…I meant how was the research into the serum that would make Missouri State suddenly realize they were a football school was working out.
Hudson: (Slightly crestfallen) Oh…That. Well, it was a success.
(President Smart enters apparently in a trance)
Smart: Football is great…Basketball is terrible.
Bruno: Excellent work
Smart: Football is great…Basketball is terrible
Bruno: Does he say anything else?
Hudson: No…I guess I could make him sing and dance if you like?
Bruno: No…that will do just fine
Smart: Football is great…Basketball is terrible
Bruno: Hey Peacock, Would you get him out of here please
Peacock: Yes sir…anything for the glory of the conference.
(Peacock leads Smart out, and reenters. Meanwhile Shouts can be heard from the hallway)
SWISH: NO JUSTICE FOR LAMAR! WE DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE RECOGNIZED!
(Peacock reenters and closes the door. Shouts slowly vanish)
Bruno: Alright. Other Business.
Benson: I made a wonderful trip just a few short days ago to visit a wonderful University who will be perfect for conference admission. Liberty is an awesome place. They even gave me this great hat. I even got one for my daughter when she’s not working basketball games on my orders tonight.
Savoie: Karl, do us all a favor and shut up.
Benson: Look Who’s talking President Hyphen
Savoie: Hey, how is the WAC doing anyway?
Kharbari: Yeah, shut up Karl.
Bruno: Okay further business. Report on James Madison University President Becker?
Becker: (Takes big sip of Coffee) Well…I have arranged a phone conversation with President Alger. Now…before he calls…if anyone asks…tell him the Weather in Michigan is great this time of year.
Smith: Why Michigan?
Becker: No reason
Smith: Oh, there has to be a reason
Becker: Okay, I told him we were actually the MAC. Figured he might be more willing to talk that way.
Peacock: Doesn’t he WANT to move to FBS?
Becker: He wants to move to the AAC…but since they aren’t available, he thinks the MAC might work. He won’t talk to anyone else.
Keel: But this is such a great league
Hawkins: Here, Here
Savoie: (On Phone) Yes…Commissioner Bankowsky please? What? Yes I’ll hold (Elevator Music comes through phone)
Bruno: Hey President Hyphen…You know he’s not going to answer right?
Savoie: For the Last Time. It’s UL!
Benson: Hyphen L…Remember…all the Louisiana’s have equal rights here.
Savoie: You realize your job depends on whether or not I like you or not right?
Benson: (Shuts up)
Bruno: Alright so we are expecting Alger to call at any mome.,..

(Conference Phone Rings)

Trauth: (Picks Up phone: Mid American Conference. Yes…Commissioner Steinbach? May I ask who is calling? Yes President Alger. Please Hold.
Bruno: Hello
Alger: Yes...Mr. Steinbach? John Alger at JMU…How are you doing today.
Bruno: Just fine sir.
Alger: How’s the weather up in Detroit
Hudson: (Whispering) The MAC offices are not in Detroit…They are in Cleveland.
Kharbari: How on earth do you know this?
Hudson: Uhh…beginners luck?
Bruno: (Resumes conversation) Well our offices are in Cleveland sir…and the weather is uhh…cold up here.
Alger: Oh…Well that’s great. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about JMU becoming a member of your conference.
Bruno: I see
Alger: We have a great thing going here. The faculty are very supporting.
(Quick Flash to JMU Offices. JMU faculty President Holds Pen to a letter reading “Letter of Termination” slowly nods his head)
(Back to New Orleans)

Alger: Well we have a great faculty…a student and fan base that is second to none…our academics in line with all of your wonderful schools up there. We’d love to be a member in your great league.
Bruno: Well that’s great. Listen, we’d love to arrange a group to come out and visit you!
(Benson begins furiously shaking his head, and points to his Liberty sweatshirt hopefully)
Alger: Well that would be great sir. When?
Bruno (Ignoring Benson) How’s next Wednesday sound. I’ll send a couple of our Presidents over to take a look at your fine campus. (Nods to Keel, Peacock, and Hawkins, who nod back) Uhh…in case one of them happens to wear anything Sun Belt related…understand that they are not actually Sun Belt Members…Its just opposite day here in Cleveland every Wednesday
Alger: Hahaha Opposite Day? Should we wear Old Dominion gear then?
Bruno: Well…that’s not entirely necessary...but if you want to go ahead!
Alger: Yes Sir, look forward to seeing you then! (Hangs up)

Hudson: How the heck did that work so easily?
Becker: Alger? Oh…well when we were in the CAA together, he wasn’t exactly the brightest.
Keel: Hark…the Georgia State President making fun of someone’s education level.
Becker: Shut it
Bruno: Anyway, Anyway. Is there any other business to attend to before we leave:
Hudson: I say we vote on whether or not we add a 12th member.
Smith: I agree
Savoie: I agree (Still waiting on hold music)
Trauth: I agree with Hyphen
Savoie: HEY!
Trauth: Sorry it slipped.
Benson: Okay all in favor of adding Liberty to the Sun Belt beginning in 2015?
(Crickets)
Benson: Okay all in favor of adding Liberty football only in 2015?
(Crickets)
Benson: Okay all in favor of VISITNG Liberty and seeing how wonderful the school really is.
Bruno: Will you quit talking about it if we agree?
Benson: Yes
Bruno: All in Favor
The room: AYE
Bruno: Opposed?
Savoie: (On Phone) Yes Mr. Bankowksy? Oh…he’s in a meeting….Yes….uhhh...tell him Dr Savoie from Louisiana called him for the 15th straight day. He knows my number.

Hudson: You know Savoie…I get the feeling he’s ignoring you.
Bruno: Okay, Okay. Smith, Trauth, Anderson. You guys go visit Liberty with Karl.
Smith: Do we have to?
Bruno: Yes.
Hudson: I think we should send a group to visit Missouri State with fresh syrum.
Bruno: That seems agreeable. Karbhari and Hypen…I mean Savoie. You go with him.
Anderson: Should we call Las Cruces and Moscow and let them know what we are doing?
Hawkins: Why would anyone want to call Moscow?
Smith: Why would anyone want to call Las Cruces?
Anderson: Oh Alright…I get the point.
Bruno: Alright. Final business. A vote on whether or not we are adding a 12th team by May. All in favor?
[b]Room: [/b] Aye
Bruno: Opposed
Anderson: I WANT A GOOD BASKETBALL PROGRAM!
(Breathless UALR Secretary comes into the room)
Secretary: Yes, Mr. Anderson. The Governor is on line 1…he wants a word with you.
Anderson: (Picks up phone) Yes Sir?...Oh…okay sir…right away sir. (Hangs up) He says I have to vote Aye if I want any funding this year… so Aye.
Bruno: The Aye’s have it. This concludes our meeting of the Presidents and Chancellors of the Sun Belt Conference. Any Questions before we dismiss

(Peacock raises hand)

Peacock: Yes…will our games be televised this year?
Bruno: We have a contract with ESPN!
Peacock: Oh…Yay. No PBS!!
Bruno: Okay, if that’s out of the way. This meeting is adjourned. Remember to throw away your trash on the way out. They recycle here in New Orleans.
[b](Meeting adjourns. Scene closes)[/b]
(This post was last modified: 03-27-2014 03:31 PM by chiefsfan.)
03-27-2014 03:30 PM
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chiefsfan Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Yes, I was completely bored, and yes I took a lot of creative license based on some conversations we've had on here.
03-27-2014 03:31 PM
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TrueBlueAlum Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 03:31 PM)chiefsfan Wrote:  Yes, I was completely bored, and yes I took a lot of creative license based on some conversations we've had on here.

You should try bowling... or something. :)
03-27-2014 03:34 PM
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chiefsfan Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 03:34 PM)TrueBlueAlum Wrote:  
(03-27-2014 03:31 PM)chiefsfan Wrote:  Yes, I was completely bored, and yes I took a lot of creative license based on some conversations we've had on here.

You should try bowling... or something. :)


Truthfully, it only took an hour to put together last night. That's what happens when you cant sleep.
03-27-2014 03:38 PM
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GaSoEagle Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Awesome
03-27-2014 03:38 PM
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SpiritCymbal Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
03-27-2014 03:47 PM
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TrueBlueAlum Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 03:38 PM)chiefsfan Wrote:  
(03-27-2014 03:34 PM)TrueBlueAlum Wrote:  
(03-27-2014 03:31 PM)chiefsfan Wrote:  Yes, I was completely bored, and yes I took a lot of creative license based on some conversations we've had on here.

You should try bowling... or something. :)


Truthfully, it only took an hour to put together last night. That's what happens when you cant sleep.

In all fairness thats pretty funny. Very entertaining read.
03-27-2014 03:47 PM
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arkstfan Away
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 03:34 PM)TrueBlueAlum Wrote:  
(03-27-2014 03:31 PM)chiefsfan Wrote:  Yes, I was completely bored, and yes I took a lot of creative license based on some conversations we've had on here.

You should try bowling... or something. :)

Sorry Red Wolves don't bowl for recreation. #1 Seed in the NCAA Tournament. We take bowling seriously.
03-27-2014 04:09 PM
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GoApps70 Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Can't wait for the DVD to come out.
03-27-2014 04:12 PM
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Tiguar Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
gonna be honest here, I don't know who any of those people are cept smith
03-27-2014 04:16 PM
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chiefsfan Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 04:16 PM)Tiguar Wrote:  gonna be honest here, I don't know who any of those people are cept smith

The Players
Sun Belt Commissioner Karl Benson
President of the Presidents: Nick Bruno ULM
Troy Chancellor Jack Hawkins
ULL President Joseph Savoie
ASU Chancellor Tim Hudson
UTA President Vistasp Karhbari.
Tx State President Denise Trauth
UALR Chancellor Joel Anderson
USA Acting President John Smith
GSU President Mark Becker
App St President Kenneth Peacock
GS President Brooks Keel

Missouri State President Clifton Smart
Random Protesting Lamar Fan SWISH
JMU President Johnathon Alger (Via Phone)
03-27-2014 04:18 PM
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arkstfan Away
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Wonder if Dr. Welch still goes to the meetings regularly. When AState created the chancellor position, it became a tradition that both the president and chancellor attended, but Dr. Wyatt as system president had long relationships with the other schools.

If he still goes the plausible scenario would be Anderson balking, Welch dialing his phone and handing it to Anderson to talk to Governor Beebe. Going to be a sad day when Beebe leaves office in January.
03-27-2014 04:52 PM
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T-Dog Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Peacock is a chancellor, not a president. Also, he's retiring this summer and his replacement was announced last week and it's a girl.

http://www.news.appstate.edu/2014/03/19/...en-everts/
03-27-2014 05:02 PM
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slycat Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
That was hilarious and pretty spot on to how I think the meetings happen.
03-27-2014 05:51 PM
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chiefsfan Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
(03-27-2014 05:02 PM)T-Dog Wrote:  Peacock is a chancellor, not a president. Also, he's retiring this summer and his replacement was announced last week and it's a girl.

http://www.news.appstate.edu/2014/03/19/...en-everts/

Obviously you just don't appreciate quality theatrical productions.
03-27-2014 05:52 PM
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OsageJ Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
That was fun. Love the Hyphen;....ummm I mean Louisiana references.
03-27-2014 06:04 PM
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TrueBlueAlum Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Believe it or not I actually know that. Im a bowler myself.

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03-27-2014 08:06 PM
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MSUBear42 Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Football is great... Basketball is terrible

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03-28-2014 08:51 PM
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Bearband36 Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
42 what happened to you? hey what is that guy wearing UL-L doing here? and why does he have a needle? wait what are you-OW!!... Football is great... Basketball is terrible...
03-28-2014 09:36 PM
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chiefsfan Offline
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RE: The SBC Presidents Meeting...A Screenplay by Chiefsfan
Its working...Its working!
03-28-2014 09:37 PM
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