UC is the typical A-cup hottie. Gorgeous face and a banging body (football and minor sports) but she is severely lacking in her other aspects (hoops, minor sports).
Uconn suffers from "rack attack". There is only one thing anyone sees when they look at her (basketball), but if you stopped an actually looked, you'd realize she has a pretty cute face to boot (minor sports, football)
DePaul, I feel bad for you. Maybe one time you were mildly attractive (hoops history is decent) but now you are nothing more than an overweight, butch softball chic (the one sport DePaul is good at). Why are you even here?
G'town and Villanova
A hot Catholic Schoolgirl is what G'town and Nova are. Great bodies (minor sports, basketball) and you'd definitely want to hook up with them. Plus, they are the hottest by far out of all their Catholic co-ed friends (BE hoops schools).
Yep, Louisville is the "Let go" chick. She started out as an absolutely hottie when you first started dating (great football, basketball, minor sports, facilities), but damn is she letting herself go now that you've been married awhile (basketball is slipping, football is in the toilet).
Yep, you are the butterface of the bunch Marquette. Don't get me wrong, you have some great assets (basketball, soccer), but you don't have a very appealing face (overall sports program, location).
Notre Dame is the girl that you'd give up body organs to sleep with (join for football)but who constantly plays you like a fiddle because she knows you'll do anything to get with her. Unfortunately for you, the thought of hooking up has never even remotely crossed her mind once. She does want you to know though that she appreciates having a man servant who will take care of all her little errands for her with no compensation whatsoever (paycheck for revenues and a home for all minor sports).
Pitt is the hot nerdy girl. She is a total nerd (academics) but has a banging body (football, basketball). That means that if another dude comes calling who looks better than you (Big Ten), she probably leave you holding your Stormtrooper helmet and a broken Wookie heart.
Providence is the chick who is the pretty homely (basketball, minor sports) who you drunkenly slept with and got pregnant. You didn't want her as a regular girlfriend (conference mate); however, her family does have a lot of power (BE commissioners) and since you got her pregnant (formed a conference with her), you're pretty much married to her.
Rutgers is Snooki for three reasons. First, both are from Jersey. Second, neither has accomplished much in their life (sports history). Third, it baffles the mind as to why either are as popular as they are.
Saint John's is the "way back when" chick. She isn't hot anymore (basketball being subpar) and her age is starting to show (facilities, budget, etc), but way back when she was a real looker (7th all-time in wins).
Seton Hall is the chick that is the colossus of disgust. She isn't anywhere close to homely, let allow hot (0 BE championships since 2005, basketball/sports programs stinks). The only thing see is good for is taking up space (conference slot) and getting her welfare check (Big East paycheck).
USF is the potential hottie. You know that she could be a tongue-on-the-floor hottie (football), but so far she always seemed to fall short of her potential (football falling off midseason).
Ah Cuse. You are most certainly the "Legendary Cougar" of the conference. The Legendary Cougar is still hot (basketball), but the glory days are slowly drifting further and further away (football). Still, who wouldn't want to hook up with her?
WVU is the Drunk Lion's Chick
. Great body and a total hottie (basketball, football, attendance), but you best watch yourself or you might get cursed out and hit by a thrown beer bottle or batteries (fans).